My Presidential Campaign

here is a little video i made back when the primary's were still going on and Hillary was still in the race and all that. i had to give up my presidential campaign but perhaps you would like to see some of my ideas that would have been put into place if i had ended up elected into office.



i know it kinda sucks there is only text and a song behind it but i don't own a camera. so sorry about all the reading.

Raising The Bar

a new show is premiering soon called Raising The Bar. starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar as a lawyer. that's right Zach Morris became a lawyer. he must have started paying attention in class or something.

that sounds cool and all, but what i'm really looking forward to is Lowering The Fatality starring Mr. Belding as a doctor who never gives up.


Mr. Belding: don't you die on me!!!! CLEAR!!!
*patient's heart beat returns*
Mr. Belding: it's all in a day's work...

Chuck Norris - Jesus' Ranger

did you know Chuck Norris is a Christian? yeah, i didn't either until i was randomly browsing his wikipedia page one day. it got me thinking though, what would Chuck Norris telling someone about Jesus be like? something tells me anyone who rejects his invitation to the faith is immediately roundhouse kicked into eternal salvation.

accept Jesus or accept the physical punishment from Chuck Norris. it's your choice.

The Earth Is Flat!

at least according to The Flat Earth Society it is. holy crap i can't believe this is an actual website. http://www.theflatearthsociety.org/forum/

some gems from their FAQ's include stuff like this:

Q: "Is this site for real?"

A: This site is real. There are people who seriously believe the Earth is flat. However, there are also people on this site who do not.

Q: "Why do the all the world Governments say the Earth is round?"

A: It's a conspiracy

Q: "Why doesn't water run off the Earth?"

A: There is a vast ice wall that keeps the water where it is. The ice wall is roughly 150ft high. This also explains why you can find a vast plane of ice when you travel south.

Q: "Why has no-one taken a photo of the Earth that proves it is flat?"

A: The government prevents people from getting close enough to the Ice Wall to take a picture.

Q: "How are the world governments organized enough to carry out this conspiracy?"

A: They only appear to be disorganized to make the conspiracy seem implausible.

Q: "What's underneath the Earth?" aka "What's on the bottom?" aka "What's on the other side?"

A: This is unknown. Some believe it to be just rocks, others believe the Earth rests on the back of four elephants and a turtle.

My News Rundown

surprisingly, these are all real news headlines from the previous 7 days or so (including some from today)


"Mom arrested for letting 12-year-old daughter drive her to a bar"

in her defense, she was way too high on cocaine to safely drive to a bar. she was doing the responsible thing. who else but her 12 year old daughter was supposed to drive her there? sure, there was her gang leader, but he has things to do.

"Police officer faces 30 days in jail for pulling over a woman to give her his phone number"

Ma'am, do you know how fast you were driving through my heart?

"Police bust noisy preschool party"

an eye witness reports seeing one preschooler yell "it's the cops!" followed by most of the party goers fleeing on their tricycles.

"College Presidents call for lower drinking age"

college students call "woohooo!" and pass out.

Are You Ready To Rock?

i'm thinking of starting a band. i can't sing, i play no instrument, and in general have no musical talent. so i'm thinking i'll be heavily played on the radio and VH1.

my biggest issue at this point is coming up with an awesome name for my rock band. tell me what you think about the following band names i've come up with so far:

- Black Bunny Death Field
- We Cried During The Notebook
- Constipation
- The Band That Would Have Been Named The Police But It Turns Out There Has Already Been A Considerably Well Known Band By That Name
- Hey, We're Better Than Creed

my personal favorite is Constipation.
"Hello, we are Constipation. are you ready to rock Detroit?!!"

Sickness Explosion!

i'm not one to toot my own horn, but if that title doesn't get you a little bit interested in what i have to say than nothing will. so *toot toot* .


right now i'm feeling under the weather. i've had a headache all day. it feels like my head is going to explode into 20 pieces after which 10 pieces form back together again into a head half the size of my previous head and then re-attache itself to my body making me look like some kind of mutated disproportionate sea creature who devours kids at summer camp.

other than that my nose has leaked enough fluids in the last 12 hours to fill a swimming pool the size of the one in China that Michael Phelps keeps dominating in. and yes, people from other nations, i unneccesarily mentioned our domination in swimming in a post completely unrelated to that subject just because i wanted to rub your noses in it. i would apologize but the shine from Michael Phelps' gold medals is distracting me from caring about whether i'm being a jerk or not.



well to summarize my delusional rant: toot toot. i feel like crap. Michael Phelps is better than you.

Pure Action : Badminton

below is a clip from the 2004 Olympics, during a badminton game. (note: only watch if you can handle the excitement of badminton, those with high blood pressure are not advised to watch this clip, any deaths are not my responsibility)


some things i often find myself saying while i'm watching Olympic badminton on tv are:

-holy crap! this is exciting!

-i gotta pee, but i don't want to miss anything

-my eyes are not worthy!

-if the Americans don't win a medal, they shouldn't be let back in the country, badminton is too damn important!

-woooo!

2008 Olympic Pictures & Lesser Known Games

"we're gonna kill the teletubbies, hehehe!"



"hey look dad, ANOTHER asian person. where the hell are we?!"


i was watching some Olympic badminton late last night...i didn't even know that was an Olympic sport.

some more lesser known Olympic games you may not know about include:

-Naked Twister
-The Quiet Game (the second half of Penn and Teller is the reigning champion in this event)
-Russian Roulette (as you can imagine there is no bronze or silver medals in this event)

It's Always Sunny

if you don't watch It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, you're missing out on one of the funniest shows on tv.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

the new season (season 4) starts September 18 and i can't wait.

it's about 5 people who work and own a bar in philly. they're all basically horrible people. it's hilarious the messed up things they do.

The Rick Rolled Epidemic

i know most of the time i just joke around and post Mr. T videos on here, but if i could, i would like to take a moment and talk about something serious.

the Rick Rolled epidemic that is sweeping our country, nay, our planet.

it must be stopped, and that is only possible if we work together. if you have been, or know someone who has been Rick Rolled, you know how serious this is. and the long term effects it has on a person.

symptoms of being Rick Rolled include:
-sudden outburst
-depression
-and sometimes death(not usually)

but you don't have to go through being Rick Rolled, there are ways to prevent it from happening to you, like:
-don't click on links when you don't know for sure where they lead
-don't listen to your friends who are obviously buttholes when they assure you it's safe to click on that link
-use a condom...no, wait, that's the wrong cause. sorry.

i hope you are now fully informed, and i really hope Bono returns my call about doing a commercial/song about this worthy cause.

help stop this horrible epidemic, help save the world, don't get Rick Rolled. (now picture Bono saying that. it just sounds better coming from him, i know.)

I Need To See This Episode

i didn't watch the last season of 7th Heaven, mainly because i have far more important things to do with my life...like watch other tv shows that are better.

but judging by this plot summary from imdb.com i may have gravely missed out. it's the most confusing and wonderful plot summary i have ever read in my life.

"Nothing Says Lovin' Like Something From The Oven"

"Steven tries to reassure T-Bone there is no reason to move out, Ruthie doesn't hate him and her spending much time with Martin doesn't have to mean anything. Then a surprise takes priority: dentist Theodore Alan 'Al' Bonaducci rides on by Harley and assures T-bone 'junior' that was his nickname as a youngster, his ma just told him in Vegas he's the kid's father, alas 17 years too late and ma is an incurable liar... Dr. Jonathan Sanderson proposes to elated Sandy for marriage after her graduation in a year; she promises Lucy she can delay that now Kevin and she have decided to accept the Crossroads parish. Mac is in Margareth's kissing grace. Jane assures T-Bone that Martin is not into Ruthie but with her, yet Martin also accepts a serious talk with Sandy. Only when Ruthie hears T-Bone accepts to go away a whole summer with his dad, she tells her dad she hates their break-up..."

yeah, i will seriously end up buying the last season of 7th Heaven on dvd for as much money as it costs just to see this episode. something in my bones tells me it's worth it.